There are few moments in your life that are life changing - and even fewer times you know at those moments that your life is going to change after this particular moment. I was lucky to realize that moment and at that moment nothing mattered to me.
I sat outside my thesis proposal examination room waiting for a verdict on what was my worst performance at any exam I had taken in my entire life. I do set high pretty high standards for myself, but in no way can I measure yesterday's performance - it was B-A-D.
I was answering my PhD Thesis proposal - an oral examination where I was presenting the thesis topic to my committee and why I believed that topic had potential to be a PhD thesis. Right from slide number 1, yes I mean it - I had questions. They were genuine questions some of them I had answers for, but I got thrown off by most of them. I blanked - for the very first time in my life. I could not answer very simple questions they were asking me. At one point, I had four members of my committee just ganging up against me - at least it felt that way to me at that time. I had tears in my eyes that were not visible to them, but were internal tears. I felt like excusing myself and stepping out to collect myself, and my thoughts. But I decided to be strong and stand up for myself, and for my graduate advisor. I continued with my presentation.
I have been evaluating research of other authors before I came up with my own method for my thesis topic. The methods that we short listed actually worked really well, so well that my method might not be necessary. It hurts very bad when you are asked at your exam - "Why do we need your method?" I was asked that and while I tried to defend the method - the writing was on the wall. So, when I was asked to step out, I was very certain I had to redo all the work that I have been putting in since May. Given that this is very common in a PhD process, it wouldn't be rare that I would be asked to redo things.
I sat outside the examination room, and the committee met to decide in a way my fate. I sat there, and tried to block any negative thoughts that were coming to my mind. I sat there and told myself "whatever they decide in that room will be the best for me" and prepared myself for the worst. I had a lot of good wishes sent to me via text messages, emails, phone calls and hugs - my friends and family wishing me good luck. I could sense that strength as I sat waiting to be called back to know the outcome. I knew I was in safe hands, and only the best would happen for me.
My graduate advisor opened the door and let me in. She mentioned at the door that I had passed but with a condition. That was shocking to me, I did not know how to react to the news. Be happy that I had passed ?? What was the condition ?? The condition is actually something that I needed the most - knowledge of biology, and I had to take a class in biological methods and how the experiments are run, and how to analyze data from biological experiments and i will get to do some experiments as well in a real wet lab!
Also another thing happened that completely humbled me and I felt honored. My committee was not aware that I worked full time and did my research at nights, and over the weekend. Of course they also did not know that I have a 2 year old as my friends point out. Two of my committee members offered to fund my PhD moving forward - they said to my graduate advisor - we can co-advise her and take care of her funding. I did not know what to say.
Not only did I pass this exam, but now I have added support from two of my committee members.
All in all it was a very positive experience and one that is definitely going to change my life.
I sat outside my thesis proposal examination room waiting for a verdict on what was my worst performance at any exam I had taken in my entire life. I do set high pretty high standards for myself, but in no way can I measure yesterday's performance - it was B-A-D.
I was answering my PhD Thesis proposal - an oral examination where I was presenting the thesis topic to my committee and why I believed that topic had potential to be a PhD thesis. Right from slide number 1, yes I mean it - I had questions. They were genuine questions some of them I had answers for, but I got thrown off by most of them. I blanked - for the very first time in my life. I could not answer very simple questions they were asking me. At one point, I had four members of my committee just ganging up against me - at least it felt that way to me at that time. I had tears in my eyes that were not visible to them, but were internal tears. I felt like excusing myself and stepping out to collect myself, and my thoughts. But I decided to be strong and stand up for myself, and for my graduate advisor. I continued with my presentation.
I have been evaluating research of other authors before I came up with my own method for my thesis topic. The methods that we short listed actually worked really well, so well that my method might not be necessary. It hurts very bad when you are asked at your exam - "Why do we need your method?" I was asked that and while I tried to defend the method - the writing was on the wall. So, when I was asked to step out, I was very certain I had to redo all the work that I have been putting in since May. Given that this is very common in a PhD process, it wouldn't be rare that I would be asked to redo things.
I sat outside the examination room, and the committee met to decide in a way my fate. I sat there, and tried to block any negative thoughts that were coming to my mind. I sat there and told myself "whatever they decide in that room will be the best for me" and prepared myself for the worst. I had a lot of good wishes sent to me via text messages, emails, phone calls and hugs - my friends and family wishing me good luck. I could sense that strength as I sat waiting to be called back to know the outcome. I knew I was in safe hands, and only the best would happen for me.
My graduate advisor opened the door and let me in. She mentioned at the door that I had passed but with a condition. That was shocking to me, I did not know how to react to the news. Be happy that I had passed ?? What was the condition ?? The condition is actually something that I needed the most - knowledge of biology, and I had to take a class in biological methods and how the experiments are run, and how to analyze data from biological experiments and i will get to do some experiments as well in a real wet lab!
Also another thing happened that completely humbled me and I felt honored. My committee was not aware that I worked full time and did my research at nights, and over the weekend. Of course they also did not know that I have a 2 year old as my friends point out. Two of my committee members offered to fund my PhD moving forward - they said to my graduate advisor - we can co-advise her and take care of her funding. I did not know what to say.
Not only did I pass this exam, but now I have added support from two of my committee members.
All in all it was a very positive experience and one that is definitely going to change my life.
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