Labor Day

This evening I had the chance to spend 20 minutes talking to my very close friends - thanks to the iPhone, we could chat as though we were in the hostel room in Goa engineering college except the conversation topics had changed from the crushes, and cute guys, and other dating tips to husbands, pregnancy, weight gain, labor, ... Nevertheless, there was the same laughter when we recollected old times, deep dark secrets that we shared, and more!

After an hour or so after the phone call, I took off for a run around 9 pm. During the initial part of my run, I was very happy to have made my parents day this year for Father's Day! I really did not know where I was going to run, I just wanted to run. Once I got my stride (around 15-20 mins into the run), I thought about labor and how the entire episode ended up for me. I always thought I would write about it but never got around to it. As I ran, I recollected that particular night (Oct 21st , 1:30 am) when I had to rush to the bathroom as I felt a gush ... yeah - my membranes had ruptured or in lay man's term - "my water broke".

I called the doctor from the toilet seat to make sure I gave her all the exact details of the color of the liquid that came out and the amount and everything she wanted to know. The doctor suggested that I come in, and come in with my labor bag ready as if we were having a baby. My husband and I had taken childbirth classes at the hospital, and as a part of the curriculum we were asked to keep our labor bag (goody bag), my hospital bag, and baby's bag ready on the last day of class. Diligent students that we were, we followed the guidelines and packed all three bags. We had a checklist to go through, and we had everything ready. The goody bag basically has things that you require on the day you go through labor. Now, for first time mother's this can be tricky, so the list really helps you, however, I personally think you really need to know what calms or relaxes you or rather what helps you get through pain. For me that was easy, the first item that went into my goody bag was my swim suit! Water has a very calming effect on me.

I did have some abdominal pains but at that time I did not know that they were "contractions", they were mild cramps and I could sit down, and they would pass away. Anyways, as instructed by the doctor, my husband and I got dressed, and headed out of the door with our packed bags. We did not know what to expect - I think many times that is a good place to be. The hospital is around 1.4 miles from our house, and in a very movie like fashion, as we drove to the hospital, we got pulled over by a cop! I couldn't believe this.. we got away as my husband explained that his wife is in labor ! I really felt like in the movies.

Once we got to the hospital, the nurse examined me, and suggested they start monitoring me until the doctor arrived. She recommended getting some rest until then. Little did I know that - it was the last night I would sleep through the night! Yes, it is 8 months today, and I have slept 5+ hours for may be 3 nights!

The doctor arrived around 3 am, she examined me, and said "Congratulations, you are having a baby!". I was exactly 36 weeks pregnant on that day, and we just looked at each other not knowing what our emotion should really be! I remember we asking her - " are you sure ?" and she said yes! She also recommended we get as much rest as possible since first time labor can last up to 16 hours! At that point, I was 2.5 cm dilated I think - so 1/4th the total dilation amount before the baby could make its way out!

I lay on my left side - and let my body move and rest in a position where the contractions were not causing me pain. I slept until 9:30 am to be woken up by the doctor on call for that day. The doctor was Eryn Munks and she was my favorite of the five doctors that I used to see in the clinic I was going to. I always wanted her to be the doctor that delivered me. She came to examine me and my labor had not progressed. She recommended I do things to progress the labor and she would check on me at noon.

Now, it was time to go back to the child birth class notes that we had taken, books we had read, and labor positions that we were taught. One book that helped me was "Breathe your way through yoga" a book written by a British mid-wife. She had positions for every stage of labor and yoga poses that would help progress the labor. My husband and I took this seriously and followed the poses - we walked through the hallways for 15 mins until we met the nurse - her name was Gayle. She was the most wonderful nurse I met, and I thank her for all the help - she really helped me get through the day.

She felt my pulse very soon - she exactly knew the kind of person i was. She quickly put me on a circuit. She recommended I spend 15 mins walking, 15 mins on the rocking chair, 15 mins on the birth ball, and spend 15 mins on my hands and knees. And I repeat this circuit a few times! I completely understood this language - right from my childhood, I have had a very structured lifestyle and having exercised all my life this kinda circuit made complete sense.

Karthik and I went through the circuit together - we did the "Couple's embrace" as we walked through the hallways - it is a very powerful position. You feel the energy from your spouse into you as you embrace - you get the feeling of sharing the pain together. Through the contractions, I kept practicing level 1 breathing as taught in the childbirth class. We also did the "Camel walk" to progress labor in stage 1. The rocking chair definitely helped through the contractions - you could rock the pain away! The birth-ball actually helped progress the labor a lot more than the walking or rocking chair. We followed the circuit and when the doctor came to see us at noon - we had made significant progress - we were at 5 cm dilation (1/2 way through) and she said "Good job! Continue doing what you just did !"

I looked at Gayle and asked her - "What next Gayle?" At that point, I had decided to have her coach me through the labor. I had found a person that I was going to trust and would have her guide me through the process. Karthik was my emotional coach, he was there with me all through the process, never left me for a minute through the entire day. Around 1 pm, my angel arrived - one of my closest friends - Gloria came to see us. I think her coming helped Karthik a little. There was someone whom he could trust me with. These are two people whom I am closest to in Boulder - and have known me since 2001!

Gloria always has a way to relax you, make you happy, and she has always encouraged me a lot. She held my hand when I needed, helped me through the pain as I continued through the deep breaths, and did whatever that was necessary at that time without saying a word to her! Such is our friendship.

One thing I had decided about labor after understanding the process, and all the medical details - I was going to have an open mind and do what is the best thing at that time. Normally I like to have a plan and have everything organized, but I had decided to go with the flow during labor. Looking back, I think that was the best thing to do. I had learned what are the implications of taking pain medications, about drugs that help progress labor and all the other medical issues that concerned child birth. Having grown up around parents who are both doctors, doing this research, understanding the process came naturally to me. I wanted to know everything that could happen to me when the day arrived! We were ready!

We continued to go through the circuit, and Gayle recommended I spend more time in the "hands and knees" position to progress the labor further. The doctor came to examine me again and I was up to 6.5 cms but she noticed that the baby's head was posterior and it could lead to "back labor" - i.e. a lot of back pain as the baby came out. I had suffered through back pain since 8 weeks and did not want more of it. I looked at Gayle. She seem to be calm, and once the doctor left she recommended the "hands and knees" position, this time for 30 mins. She adjusted the bed at the right angle, and she was confident the baby would turn. I just trusted her!

The contractions were now more intense - they would last about 4-5 breaths. For some reason, I only felt the peaks of the contractions. I could never feel when they started, but only felt when they peaked - so I felt an intense pain and then no pain. And the cycle continued. Karthik and Gloria did everything to make me comfortable. Karthik just would do the exact right thing that was needed to be done at that moment! I was amazed how good of a coach he was. I just let them control everything - and followed what they said. One thing that the child birth instructor kept stressing was "Child birth is natural" and what she meant, I realized when I was in the "hands and knees" position. I actually felt the baby move! When I told Gayle that - she said "The baby's head is in the right direction now!" It felt very magical!

After about an hour, with the intensity of the pain increasing, I knew what I should do next. I told Gayle I need to get into the Jacuzzi. She started filling it with water - I had brought bath salts with me, and I hopped into the tub. As I felt the contractions, I would start the jets. The jets would make me buoyant and help with pain management. I stayed in the tub for 45 mins, and came out feeling very tired. When I got out, the pain became very unbearable. I felt like squatting a lot - couldn't use the rocking chair any more, couldn't use the birth ball - I just cringed to the closet handles, let my body move as I had the contractions. They were more intense, and close together. The pain was just increasing. Gayle said "It is a good thing - you are almost there!"

All through the day, I had paced myself just like I do when I run. Every contraction I saw through, I told myself - that contraction was done, and I was onto the next contraction. In running analogy, I looked at that as miles that I ran. Once the mile was done, it was done. I remember doing the 1/2 iron man in 2005 and starting the half marathon after a 56 mile bike ride with a cramp in my thigh muscle. I had to run 13.1 miles with the muscle cramping. I took one mile at a time, and kept going through the miles telling myself, once this mile was done, I was one step closer. I used the same approach during labor.

Gayle asked me "Do you feel like you want to poop - do you feel the urge to push?" and I said "yes, I do." She examined me and said "You are ready!, Let's teach you to push" This was one thing they had asked us not to practice in our child birth class.

For some reason, for the first time in the day, I started feeling scared. All sorts of thoughts came to my mind - "was I ready for the baby ?" , "How will the baby be ? ", "How will my life be? " and many more. All these thoughts were coming to my mind when she was teaching me to push - my mind definitely was not in the present. It was distracted, I was scared. I did exactly the opposite thing - she asked me to hold my breath, and I released it. I felt terrible as I had done everything very well so far.. why was I holding back????

As I continued to push, and they could see the baby's head or in medical terms - "crowning", they decided it was time to call the doctor. The doctor arrived and I could sense a little pressure/tension. Eryn had known me through my pregnancy - I had seen her at least 5-6 times. She was very calm, patient and worked with me. Not sure if she saw it, but I was still not doing the right thing. I was holding back. It was about an hour that I was pushing - and she finally said "Shweta, I am going to give this a few more pushes - if we don't do this right, you might end up with a tear" - well that was sufficient for me - I remembered the line in the movie - The Matrix - "There is no spoon", and in 2 pushes, Adhrit was out!

My husband and Gloria came and hugged me. Karthik wanted to make sure I was ok. He cut the umbilical cord - I was happy he did that. I always wanted him to do that. I told him to go and see the baby as they took Adhrit to the other table to run few tests. I could hear him cry, but man I was happy the labor was over!

The doctors brought the little baby over to me. It was very nice to see him, and I felt very happy. I wasn't sure what was going to follow, but I was happy the day was behind me and I had a new buddy in life!

Falling in love .. yet again...

I am married to the most wonderful person on this planet - my husband Karthik. How we met, became friends, fell in love, got married is a post yet for some other day...

On Oct 21, 2009 we became parents for the very first time - and were greeted by our son at 7:11 pm. I call him my 7 Eleven boy! He was born at 36 weeks, so his arrival did take us by surprise so it took me a while to adjust to him, and my new role. I'm not the falling in love at first sight person, and I did not feeling the sense of bonding towards my son - Adhrit right away. Initially it was about learning how to nurse, clean diapers, and make sure the little guy was ok, and was well fed. My husband and I would time the process of feed/clean/feed again/clean - and the fastest we did was 45 minutes - I still remember. The initial few weeks were tough, and are like a haze to me. When I see his pictures - I can't believe how tiny he was, and how his clothes were so huge for him.

Somewhere between 6 weeks - 8 weeks after he was born, I had a chance to take a breath, and start to get to know him, get a sense of bonding towards him. When I did, it was a different feeling all together - something I had never experienced, but only heard from other moms.

Now my son is 6 months old, and our bond has grown stronger, and stronger each day. We have activities that both of us enjoy. He joins us in bed after 3 am in the morning, and the few hours with him in bed is bliss. He loves the water - put some water in the sink, and he will kick around in the water for hours (given a choice). During that time, he has a sense of content look on his face. He does not show too many emotions when he is loving what he does - he is just too involved in the activity. He has the same look on his face when he is on the swing, and when he is in the baby carrier. I can sense he is content. I am waiting to go swimming with him, introduce him to a medium he was in for 36 weeks :)

I am amazed by the amount of faith he has in me. Holding him calms him down so much. He seems to put a lot of trust in me. The smile I get every time he sees me when I come home for lunch or come home at the end of the day - just makes my heart explode with different emotions for him. A very different set of emotions surface when I see him. He is growing up too fast for me, and I want to freeze these moments if I can. Normally, I want to do a 100 things in a day kinda person, but when I am with him, its amazing how I can just do nothing and my day is made. I still remember one afternoon he and I spent in bed, we did nothing but nap, read, nurse.. just stayed in bed for hours ! It was such a perfect Saturday afternoon.

His smile, his laugh make me happy. Playing pat-a-cake with him makes him happy. Just saying "ku-ku" cracks him up!

Being with him, makes me realize how simple life can actually be - and I strive for my life to be as simple as his!

Somewhere between week 0 and now, I fell in love with him - I just did not know until today when I chatted with my best friend. And it feels great!

Looking forward to many many years of fun with the little guy!

To Run or Not to Run

A couple of nights ago, we were talking about conscience over dinner table. How to be true to your conscience, and how you can get there.

At my next morning run, after the initial banter going on in my mind - my thoughts were diverted to that topic. I realized a few things about running and me.

I run so I can be a better person for myself, and for people around me. My husband literally tells me "You need to go for a run", and I know exactly what he means.. and just a 2 mile run will change me into a completely different person.

After I run, I am more in tune with my inner self, I can listen to the inner voices that tell me what to do. I get closer to my instincts. It makes me a more powerful person.

The place I live - Boulder, CO boasts of numerous trails - but it seems like I always run on the one that is closest to me. It is exactly about 1-1.5 mile warmup before I hit the trail, and then it is almost like my legs know what to do - which turn to take, when the tunnel arrives, what to look for, where the hills start - they dictate my stride. I need no music, no watch, no monitors, just me, and my run. This is the same person who used to time every mile, run at a particular heart-rate, and look a zillion times at my heart-rate monitor.

Now, I enter a zone with my run where thoughts flow to me, I question myself, and I get answers. On my way home from my run, I run through a neighborhood - more of a cool down run, but I always cross the street at the same point - like it was pre-programmed. I am amazed how my feet just do the talking!

I have run on this trail for the last 4-5 years, and it has never got boring to me. Every season, every day I see new things along this trail. When I run in the morning, I am happy to greet fellow runners "morning" or just wave. Sometimes after a snowfall or rain, the trail has some adventures in store - a lot of hop, skip, jumps to avoid the little puddles. All in all, the trail is the place that transforms me.

For some reason, I need the movement to bring about a feeling of stillness inside me. The strides to bring a sense of inner calm.

So, when in doubt, I just go for a run - cause I know I will be a different person at the end.

Father Figure

Running always brings the best thoughts in my mind. At the start of my run when I am just beginning to get into the stride, I have thoughts about the last few hours before my run - whether it is some issue at work, or home. But in a matter of 10 minutes, random thoughts start coming to me - thoughts that I should be thinking, things that are important, things I am struggling through currently in my life, and when I run, I look at the same problems/issues so very logically.

Being an engineer (software engineer) by profession, I need to use logic on a regular basis, but it seems that I use it the most when I run. I am Shweta, and my relationship with running started very early since elementary school when I began participating in track and field races, and started winning running races. Sports has been a part of my life since very early childhood - thanks to my dad who introduced us (my sister, and me) very very early.

My dad whom this blog is about is an Orthopaedic surgeon, and a rock star surgeon, not just a simple one! He is very famous in my hometown, someone who enjoys his work, and does it with a great amount of passion.

During my recent run, I had a lot of thoughts about my dad. I wish I could have a pen attached to my brain so I could pen each thought that came during my run. I will do my best and try to punch them down.

Being a surgeon by profession, my dad was very busy. So, doing things with him meant we either did them over the weekend (Sunday) or very early in the mornings. When we were really little, my dad who is a swimmer himself took us swimming to Bamboo Motel (a small motel that had a swim pool). I do not remember much about the swimming - I do remember my first swimsuit (blue with a red belt) but what followed the swim was french fries and ketchup! I always looked forward to that. We swam almost every Sunday with my dad. When we were around 10 years old, we moved, and a really cool swimming pool complex was about a mile away from home. So, my dad started taking us swimming there. The head coach of the state team, saw my dad teaching us and asked my dad if he would let us swim with the team. My dad agreed, and that started our swimming career!

Being on a swim team meant swimming early in the morning (5:45 am), and every evening (except Sundays) from 3:30 - 7:00 pm. My dad would take us to the early morning practice, and we had two bikes so we would bike to practice and back in the evenings. Other than being decent swimmers, swimming taught me a lot! The first being - discipline. Not showing up to practice was not permitted unless we had a very very strong reason! Time management was the other important lesson. We had to finish homework before 3 pm to get ready to go to practice. Keeping things for after practice was not even an option - we hardly had energy to last through dinner. Working hard was also another valuable lesson swimming taught me - the countless laps that needed to be done for every workout - sometimes those laps did not even help qualify for a national meet. But we did them. I was never a great swimmer, but swimming really taught me a lot in my life, and I only have my dad to thank for this.

Being raised in India where doing sports is really not what most people do let alone girls. But my dad was a strong supporter for doing something other than just studying. He said every body studies and gets good scores. We did things very differently back home. Riding bikes to school, around town, to practice, and back - being independent at a very young age was something that my dad instilled in us. To this day, I am so thankful to have that quality. Both me, and my sister can live anywhere on planet earth, and fend for ourselves.

I still remember doing a triathlon when I was less than 15 years old, and winning a silver medal in All India nationals, and being motor paced by my dad on his scooter. Thinking back, I am amazed how my dad knew to do make us do these activities. The vision that we need to do more than study, and take up a sport seriously. He did not mind if we did not win medals, but he was upset if we did not work hard. He always showed up to all the swim meets, and we always ended up making a holiday out of swimming national meets.

We went on road trips every summer. My dad loves to drive - may it be the Fiat he first owned, or the VW Jetta he currently owns! He loves to drive. We drove to neighboring states, and visited hill stations (mountain towns), very rare non-touristy places (at that time!) and visited coffee plantations, national parks, lived in tree houses in a tea plantation. I definitely had a very fun childhood.

I don't think my dad sat down and told me what is right, and what is wrong. He just was an example to follow - being dedicated at work, very disciplined person was just something I saw growing up. Being in private practice meant being on call every day of the week (yes, Sunday's included) - but I never saw a frown on his face when there was some patient that came with a broken something! He treated people who could not afford his fees for free - never asked them to pay. That meant we always enjoyed a lot of treats from his patients! I still remember one patient who brought us easter eggs, and marzipan chocolates for Easter.

My dad does a lot of work for people - he is a member of Rotary International - where he received a grant to treat polio patients. This is what he does on Sunday's when he is not treating other patients. His work was recognized by the Government of India, and was awarded a medal by a minister of the parliament. I still remember going to the capital of the country to see him receive the medal. He has started many other facilities for the people of the state through Rotary International. This is another example of leading by example.

He never told us to study - he just expected we would or rather we should. Being raised by parents who are both doctors, science came naturally to both me and my sister. I still remember doing very badly in the third semester at engineering college, and one sentence from my dad was sufficient "I am not paying your fees so you can do so badly". That was sufficient for me - since then, I always did well. When I got first class (which is 60% and above), my dad just said "I don't know what is stopping you from getting a distinction (70% and above)", and the next semester, distinction was the grade I had. I managed to be in the top five in my class by the time I finished engineering - had a job when I was just 20 years old!

My dad always believed in higher education - he wanted us to study more. When I did start working, and was asked to go to Germany for a project - he got me a Eurail pass - he said just travel and see Europe. Not many people get such opportunities! And travel I did - and traveling taught me a lot of things. First being planning - how to plan a trip, all the logistics, and how to execute to that plan. To this day, I love to travel, and more importantly plan the travel ! I traveled around Europe with friends, sometimes all by myself. It was fun!

I could go on and on about how my dad has really made me who I am.

Towards the end of my run, I thought about what I could do as a parent myself. Be my dad as a mom for my son!

This post was about my thoughts on a snowy cold day that came to my mind. As much as my dad has influenced my life, my mom at the same time has been a very good role model that has shaped my life equally. That will be a post for some other run. I will let those thoughts come to me.